Re: birds DID NOT evolve from therapods

[Michael Skrepnick <palaeopaint@shaw.ca>]

WHAT could we ( the birds to dinos camp ) possibly say in response to such A
well informed individual, obviously very familiar with vertebrate metabolism
and fossil BONE, to the extent he most certainly should be placed at the
HEAD of the Ruben et al. class for mythologies on the origins of flight.  If
birds are not directly related to dinosaurs, surely there must be another
explanation that adequately fills in the evolutionary gaps.  In
consideration of an alternate theory, I could only make sense of it as
follows:

Now shurely evrybody kin see the close familiarity in form an funktion
between yur basic burdlike wing and yur long, unjointed vane like
Longisquama wing, wich in itself is not unlike that of yur basic dragonfly
wing... well HOLY GARSH JIMINY CRICKOIDES!!   THAT"S IT.  It almost cost me
an anurism, but I believe I've got er figurred out!  GIT OUT YUR PENCILS
BOY"S! and see if y'all can wistle me up one of yur HOT FIRE CLADE-O-GRAMS!
Now as I recall Tom Holtz and myself were diskussin jest a short spell back
how UNUSUAL them fethery little fronds on yer basic Pteridophyte style
plants ( ferns and cycads and such ) resemble cute primitive-like "wings".
Now I'm a willin ta betchya'll the tee in China, that one fine stormy day,
millyuns of years back, one Big 'ol bolt'a lightnin shot on down from up
yonder an "BLAAMMM"...in an example of yer basic "punktuwated equal ibryum",
that poor 'ol cycad got a real shot o' juice that transformed those furly
little fronds into the makins of a primitive, but suffishantly airborne
critter that is yer typical ancient form of dragonfly ( where d'ya think the
term "evolushun-AIRY" come frum anyway?).  Well ya'll knowed that alota them
bugs an dragonflys an such, are sumwhat sweet on moltin off their external
carpusses as they grow and mutate thru out their busy little lives.  Now it
aint too much of a stretch to suppose that one day, one of them varmints
made the transition into yer basic Longisquaminal stage of development (same
sort of wing struktur, don't ya see!).  Why after that, any fool kin see
that the next most logikal thing would be to upgrade directly into yer basic
funktional flyin bird.  All ya gotta do is brake those rigid dragonfly wing
struts in several places by accident, an if they don't heal right away, why
its easy enuff to see how these were modified into yer basic artikulatin
joints!  Now the most mysteryus part of the evulushun-airy process is how
one of them thar smarter members of the burd famly upgraded hisself to the
rank of Colonel. You know who I'm talkin about...Colonel Sanders of Kentuky
Fried Chiken fame.  Now finally the most ironical parta this here story is
how the King of all the Dinosaurs (T-rex) got deposed from his throne by the
Colonel ( Sanders) if you been followin along. Somehow I think in reality
the leader of the birds and the king of the dinosaurs are really in kahoots
together!  Well what d"ya think about that? YOU BOYS GOT THAT THERE
CLADE-O-GRAM ABOUT SET TO PAPER YET.  I think it perty much covers it all in
one big easy nutshell!  I think I'm a gonna throw down my brushes and git me
one'o them thar Ph & d's !!! I can't wait to git started aworkin on them
ther A pods...

Now Mary, you git away from that big red button,,, don't you push that
y"hear me.  I can't see why I shood be timed out jest fer speekin my miiiiI
I I I I I I I I I  I  I  I  I  I   N   N  N   .  .    .      .      .      .


yurs truly

Mikul ( the pale yo artist ) Skrepnik