[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index][Subject Index][Author Index]
1999's first Darwin Award Recipient
Hey Gang,
I just received this and thought you might get a real "kick" out of this one.
Increment the gene pool 1 allele forward
Thomas R. :Lipka
Paleontological./Geological Studies
> he 1999 DARWIN AWARDS (Clean)
> >> The first candidate!
> >>
> >> Already, the first candidate for the 1999 Darwin Awards is
> circulating
> >> on the Net. The Darwin Awards are annually bestowed upon (the remains
>
> >> of) individuals who have given their all in an effort to improve our
> >> gene pool.
> >>
> >> The Darwin Awards applaud those who have made the ultimate sacrifice
> >> of killing themselves by the most extraordinarily stupid means. The
> >> Awards commemorate those who find innovatively moronic ways of
> killing
> >> themselves, thereby helping to eliminate undesirable weaknesses from
> >> the human gene pool.
> >>
> >> And so, without further ado, the first candidate for '99:
> >>
> >> MAN DIES IN FREAK ACCIDENT
> >>
> >> CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. (Nov. 13) -- A 39-year-old Charlottesville Man
> >> diedThursday in a freak accident involving his washing machine.
> >> According to police reports, Samuel Randolph Strickson was doing
> >> laundry when he tried to speed up the process. Strickson apparently
> >> tried to stuff approximately 50 pounds of laundry into his washing
> >> machine by climbing on top of the washer and attempting to force the
> >> clothing into the basin.
> >>
> >> Strickson then apparently accidentally kicked the washing machine's
> ON
> >> button. When
> >> the machine turned on, Strickson lost his balance and both feet went
> >> down into the machine, where they got stuck.
> >>
> >> The machine started its cycle, and Strickson, unable to free himself,
>
> >> started thrashing around as the machine's agitator went into gear.
> >> Strickson's head banged against a nearby shelf in the laundry room,
> >> knocking over a bottle of bleach, which poured over Strickson's face,
>
> >> blinding him.
> >>
> >> Forensic reports say Strickson apparently also swallowed some of the
> >> bleach. He then vomited, but was still unable to free himself.
> >> Strickson's dog then apparently came into the laundry room. At about
> >> the same time, according to police, a large box of baking soda fell
> >> from the shelf, startling the dog, who then urinated. Urine, like
> >> vinegar, is acidic, and the chemical reaction between the urine and
> >> the baking soda resulted in "a small explosion," according to police
> >> reports. The dog, however, escaped unharmed. Strickson remained stuck
>
> >> in the washing machine, which eventually went into its high-speed
> spin
> >> cycle, spinning Strickson around at about 70 miles per hour,
> according
> >> to forensic experts. Strickson's head then smashed against a steel
> >> beam behind the washing machine, immediately killing him. A neighbor
> >> heard the commotion and called 911, but Strickson was pronounced dead
>
> >> at the scene.
>
>
--- Begin Message ---
The 1999 DARWIN AWARDS (Clean)
>> The first candidate!
>>
>> Already, the first candidate for the 1999 Darwin Awards is
circulating
>> on the Net. The Darwin Awards are annually bestowed upon (the remains
>> of) individuals who have given their all in an effort to improve our
>> gene pool.
>>
>> The Darwin Awards applaud those who have made the ultimate sacrifice
>> of killing themselves by the most extraordinarily stupid means. The
>> Awards commemorate those who find innovatively moronic ways of
killing
>> themselves, thereby helping to eliminate undesirable weaknesses from
>> the human gene pool.
>>
>> And so, without further ado, the first candidate for '99:
>>
>> MAN DIES IN FREAK ACCIDENT
>>
>> CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. (Nov. 13) -- A 39-year-old Charlottesville Man
>> diedThursday in a freak accident involving his washing machine.
>> According to police reports, Samuel Randolph Strickson was doing
>> laundry when he tried to speed up the process. Strickson apparently
>> tried to stuff approximately 50 pounds of laundry into his washing
>> machine by climbing on top of the washer and attempting to force the
>> clothing into the basin.
>>
>> Strickson then apparently accidentally kicked the washing machine's
ON
>> button. When
>> the machine turned on, Strickson lost his balance and both feet went
>> down into the machine, where they got stuck.
>>
>> The machine started its cycle, and Strickson, unable to free himself,
>> started thrashing around as the machine's agitator went into gear.
>> Strickson's head banged against a nearby shelf in the laundry room,
>> knocking over a bottle of bleach, which poured over Strickson's face,
>> blinding him.
>>
>> Forensic reports say Strickson apparently also swallowed some of the
>> bleach. He then vomited, but was still unable to free himself.
>> Strickson's dog then apparently came into the laundry room. At about
>> the same time, according to police, a large box of baking soda fell
>> from the shelf, startling the dog, who then urinated. Urine, like
>> vinegar, is acidic, and the chemical reaction between the urine and
>> the baking soda resulted in "a small explosion," according to police
>> reports. The dog, however, escaped unharmed. Strickson remained stuck
>> in the washing machine, which eventually went into its high-speed
spin
>> cycle, spinning Strickson around at about 70 miles per hour,
according
>> to forensic experts. Strickson's head then smashed against a steel
>> beam behind the washing machine, immediately killing him. A neighbor
>> heard the commotion and called 911, but Strickson was pronounced dead
>> at the scene.
--- End Message ---