Stuff to read when you're not busy.

[cameron.byrd@MAIL.UTEXAS.EDU (Cameron Byrd)]

This is the first time I've sent anything to this listserver but I have
been reading it for a few months.  I thought that maybe some of you would
get a kick out of this.  It shows how we have dinosaur fossils and the like
through the eyes of a Creationist.  This is most likely not what they
actually think, but I think it's kind of funny.  If you are religiously
sensitive, then I would suggest not reading it.  I apologize in advance if
this is not suitable.


>Date: Mon, 6 Feb 95 22:42:08 CST
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>To: moorthy@rice.edu
>From: fizban@owlnet.rice.edu (Michael T. Espiritu)
>Subject: Stuff to read when you're not busy.
>Cc: betsey@rice.edu, cameron.byrd@mail.utexas.edu, micro@owlnet.rice.edu,
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>
>Genesis Parody
>
>The Book of Creation
>
>Chapter 1
>
>     In the beginning God created Dates.
>And the date  was  Monday, July 4, 4004 BC.
>     And God said, let there be light; and there was light.  And
>when  there was Light, God saw the Date,  that  it was
>Monday, and he  got  down to work; for verily, he had a Big Job
>to do .
>     And God made pottery shards and Silurian mollusks and
>pre-Cambrian limestone strata; and flints and Jurassic Mastodon tusks
>and Picanthopus erectus skulls and Cretaceous placentals made he; and
>those cave paintings at Lasceaux.  And that was  that , for the
>first Work Day.
>     And God saw that he had made many wondrous things,
>but  that he had not wherein to put  it  all.  And God
>said, Let the heavens be divided from the earth; and  let  us
>bury all of these Things which we have made in the earth;  but
>not too deep.
>     And God buried all the Things which he had made, and that
>was  that .
>     And the morning and the evening  and  the overtime
>were Tuesday.
>     And God said, Let there be water; and let the dry
> land  appear; and that was  that .
>     And God called the dry  land  Real Estate; and the
>water called he  the  Sea.  And in the land and beneath  it
>put he crude  oil , grades one through six; and  natural
>gas put he thereunder, and prehistoric carboniferous forests yielding
>anthracite and other ligneous matter; and all these called he
>Resources; and  he  made them Abundant.
>     And likewise all that was  in  the sea, even unto two
>hundred miles from the dry  land , called he resources; all that
>was therein,  like  manganese nodules, for instance.
>     And the morning unto the evening  had been  a long
>day;  which  he called Wednesday.
>     And God said, Let the earth bring forth abundantly every
>moving creature I  can  think of, with or without backbones, with
>or without wings or feet, or fins or claws, vestigial limbs and all,
>right  now ; and let each  one  be of a separate species.
>For lo, I can make  whatsoever  I like,  whensoever  I like.
>     And the earth brought forth abundantly  all
>creatures, great and small, with and without backbones, with and
>without wings and feet and fins and claws, vestigial limbs and all,
>from  bugs  to  brontosauruses.
>But God blessed them all, saying, Be fruitful and multiply
>and  Evolve Not .
>     And God looked upon the species he hath made, and saw that
>the earth was exceedingly crowded, and he said  unto  them, Let
>each species compete for what it needed; for Healthy Competition is My
>Law.  And the species competeth amongst themselves, the cattle and the
>creeping things; and some madeth it and some didn't; and the dogs ate
>the dinosaurs and God was pleased.
>     And God took the bones from the dinosaurs, and caused them
>to appear  mighty  old; and cast he them about the land and the
>sea.  And he took every tiny  creature  that had not madeth it,
>and caused  them  to become fossils; and cast he them about
> likewise .
>     And just to put matters beyond the valley of the shadow of
>a  doubt  God created carbon dating.  And  this  is the
>origin of species.
>     And in the Evening of the day which  was  Thursday,
>God saw that he had put in  another  good day's work.
>     And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our
>likeness,  which is  tall and well-formed and pale of hue: and
>let us  also  make monkeys, which resembleth us not in any wise,
>but  are short and ill-formed and hairy.  And God added, Let
>man  have  dominion over the monkeys and the fowl of the air and
>every speices, endangered or otherwise.
>So God created Man in His  own  image; tall and
>well-formed and pale of hue created He him, and nothing at all like
>the monkeys.
>     And God said, Behold I have given you every herb bearing
>seed, which is upon the face of the earth.  But ye shalt not smoketh
>it,  lest  it giveth  you  ideas.
>     And to every beast of the earth and every fowl of the air
>I have given also every green herb, and to them it shall be for
> meat.  But they shall be  for you .  And the Lord God your
>Host suggesteth that the flesh of cattle goeth well with that of the
>fin and the claw; thus shall Surf be wedded unto Turf.
>     And God saw everything he had made, and he saw that it was
>very good; and God said, It  just  goes to show Me what the
>private sector can accomplish.  With a lot of fool regulations this
>could have taken  billions of years.
>     And the evening of the fifth day,  which had been
>the roughest day yet, God said, Thank me it's Friday.  And God made
>the weekend.
>
I did however delete the next two chapters because they were about Adam and
Eve and I didn't think they had any relevance.
>