Re: Thought these were funny...

["philidor11" <philidor11@snet.net>]

The situation has been misinterpreted (somebody wigged) in some of these
quotes:

IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN
I can't prove it, but nobody ever argues with it.

A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT
...when I eliminate inconvenient data.

THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT
...when I figure out how I can make them fit what I said here.

ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS
maybe

A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS
Maybe not, but I can make the numbers work.

A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF [AVAILABLE] DATA
Nobody has a clue.

IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN
THIS FIELD
Pay me if you like the numbers; I'm the expert.

I have used a couple of these myself, and seen the rest...

----- Original Message -----
From: "Shane Brandon" <shane.brandon@utoronto.ca>
To: <dinosaur@usc.edu>
Sent: Monday, March 13, 2000 8:18 AM
Subject: Thought these were funny...


> Sorry everyone I realise this isn't exactly on topic but I thought some
> of you might find it funny.
>
> Shane
>
> The Research Paper Dictionary:
>
> "IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"
> ... I didn't look up the original reference.
>
> "A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"
> ... These data are practically meaningless.
>
> "WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE
> QUESTIONS..."
> ... An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
>
> "THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"
> ... The other results didn't make any sense.
>
> "TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"
> ... This is the prettiest graph.
>
> "THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"
> ... I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
>
> "IN MY EXPERIENCE..."
> ... Once
>
> "IN CASE AFTER CASE..."
> ... Twice
>
> "IN A SERIES OF CASES..."
> ... Thrice
>
> "IT IS BELIEVED THAT..."
> ... I think
>
> "IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT..."
> ... A couple of others think so, too.
>
> "CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"
> ... Wrong
>
> "ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"
> ... Rumor has it.
>
> "A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE
> FINDINGS"
> ... A wild guess.
>
> "A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"
> ... Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of
>
> red wine.
>
> "IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A
> COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"
> ... I don't have a clue what this all means
>
> "AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES..."
> ... They don't understand it either.
>
> "THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLANK FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO
> JANE ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS"
> ... Mr. Blank did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
>
> "A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"
> ... A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
>
> "IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN
> THIS FIELD"
> ... I quit.
>
>
>
>