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Fwd: Darwin awards
Not dino related but whimsically appropo in light of recent important
discoveries...
>
> Well, its back. The one and only. Darwin Awards. For those of you who
> have
> never heard of the Darwin Awards, each year it goes to the recipient
> judged to
> have done the human gene pool the most good by removing themselves from
> it in
> some spectacular way. Even if no one dies, the candidates are all
> poster
> persons for the benefits of Natural Selection.
> Enjoy.
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a string of bizarre accidents.
> Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry;
> Tim
> Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his
> chest,
> arms and face; Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue; and Pamela
> Klesick's
> first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had
> just
> dropped her husband off for his first day of work and, in addition to a
> good-
> bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm still not sure why I did
> it,"
> she said later. "I was really close to
> the car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have
> been
> for more than two seconds. However, cab driver Vegas did see, and lost
> control of his cab, running over the curb and into the corner of the
> Johnson
> Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning
> Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against the building made her
> jump,
> tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit down,
> severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was caused by
> a
> falling piece of the medical building.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
> TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating three
> birth-
> control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she had to draw a
> picture
> describing how she believed she had poisoned herself. A translator
> arrived
> shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie Valishnokov
> thought the inserts were some kind of candy or gum, being unable to read
> the
> foil wrappers. After the third one, she realized something was wrong
> when her
> throat and mouth began to fill with a sour-tasting foam. She ran for
> the
> Poison Control Center, only a
> few blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam from her
> mouth,
> throat and stomach with no ill effects.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when
> one of
> them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
> Narrows
> Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and
> at
> least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon
> arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
> brought
> bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
> pointed out
> that a coil of cable had been left near the railing. Bingham tied one
> end to
> his leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40
> feet
> before the cable tightened and
> tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into
> the
> icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can
> say,"said
> Bingham, "is that God was watching out for Me on that night. There's
> just no
> other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
> On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to commit a robbery.
> This
> was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the fact that he had no
> previous record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choices
> as
> listed below:
>
> 1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop;
> 2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial
> portion of
> the adult population is licensed to carry concealed handguns in public
> places;
> 3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol car
> parked at the front door;
> 4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having
> coffee
> before reporting to duty.
> Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and
> fired a
> few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing
> him
> from the gene pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but
> didn't
> fire. No one else was hurt.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> MOSCOW, RUSSIA - A drunk security man asked a colleague at the Moscow
> bank they were guarding to stab his bulletproof vest to see if it would
> protect him against a knife attack. It didn't, and the 25-year-old
> guard
> died of a heart wound. It is good to see the Russians getting into the
> spirit
> of the Darwin Awards.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to
> commit
> suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around
> his
> neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some
> poison
> and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last
> moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him
> completely and
> cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he
> plunged
> into the sea. The sudden dunking
> extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged
> out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to a hospital,
> where he
> died of hypothermia.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
--- Begin Message ---
Subject: FWD: 1998 Darwin Awards
Well, its back. The one and only. Darwin Awards. For those of you who
have
never heard of the Darwin Awards, each year it goes to the recipient
judged to
have done the human gene pool the most good by removing themselves from
it in
some spectacular way. Even if no one dies, the candidates are all
poster
persons for the benefits of Natural Selection.
Enjoy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a string of bizarre accidents.
Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry;
Tim
Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his
chest,
arms and face; Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue; and Pamela
Klesick's
first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had
just
dropped her husband off for his first day of work and, in addition to a
good-
bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm still not sure why I did
it,"
she said later. "I was really close to
the car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have
been
for more than two seconds. However, cab driver Vegas did see, and lost
control of his cab, running over the curb and into the corner of the
Johnson
Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning
Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against the building made her
jump,
tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit down,
severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was caused by
a
falling piece of the medical building.
------------------------------------------------------------------
TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating three
birth-
control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she had to draw a
picture
describing how she believed she had poisoned herself. A translator
arrived
shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie Valishnokov
thought the inserts were some kind of candy or gum, being unable to read
the
foil wrappers. After the third one, she realized something was wrong
when her
throat and mouth began to fill with a sour-tasting foam. She ran for
the
Poison Control Center, only a
few blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam from her
mouth,
throat and stomach with no ill effects.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when
one of
them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and
at
least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon
arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
brought
bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out
that a coil of cable had been left near the railing. Bingham tied one
end to
his leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40
feet
before the cable tightened and
tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into
the
icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can
say,"said
Bingham, "is that God was watching out for Me on that night. There's
just no
other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
----------------------------------------------------------------
On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to commit a robbery.
This
was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the fact that he had no
previous record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choices
as
listed below:
1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop;
2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial
portion of
the adult population is licensed to carry concealed handguns in public
places;
3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol car
parked at the front door;
4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having
coffee
before reporting to duty.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and
fired a
few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing
him
from the gene pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but
didn't
fire. No one else was hurt.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
MOSCOW, RUSSIA - A drunk security man asked a colleague at the Moscow
bank they were guarding to stab his bullet-proof vest to see if it would
protect him against a knife attack. It didn't, and the 25-year-old
guard
died of a heart wound. It is good to see the Russians getting into the
spirit
of the Darwin Awards.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to
commit
suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around
his
neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some
poison
and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last
moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him
completely and
cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he
plunged
into the sea. The sudden dunking
extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged
out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to a hospital,
where he
died of hypothermia.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
--- End Message ---