Nothing to do with dinosaurs, but too good not to share

[Farlow@IPFW.EDU (Farlow,James)]

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> The following is absolutely priceless for anyone who travels.  Be sure 
> to read the whole thing, as it gets funnier and funnier.  The
> following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London  
> hotel and one of its guests.  The Hotel ended up submitting the
> letters to the London Sunday Times. 
> 
> 
> Dear Maid,
> 
> Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
> bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove 
> the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest 
> and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
> 
> Thank you,
> S. Berman
> 
> 
> Dear Room 635,
> 
> I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from 
> her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as 
> you requested.  The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and
> put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your
> mind.  This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions 
> from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is
> satisfactory.
> 
> Kathy, Relief Maid
> 
> 
> Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid. 
> 
> Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the 
> little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found 
> you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. 
> I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my 
> own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on 
> the shelf.  They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.
> Please remove them.
> 
> S. Berman
> 
> 
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> 
> My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which 
> we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in 
> your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial
> was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I
> didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside 
> the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not
> object to when you checked in last Monday. 
> 
> Please let me know if I can of further assistance. 
> 
> Your regular maid,
> Dotty
> 
> 
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> 
> The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that 
> you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid 
> service.  I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will
> accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.  If you have any 
> future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal 
> attention.  Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.Thank you.
> 
> Elaine Carmen
> Housekeeper
> 
> 
> Dear Miss Carmen,
> 
> It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for 
> business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
> reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I 
> only asked Mr. > Kensedder if he could do anything about those little 
> bars of soap.
> 
> The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in 
> today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine
> cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom
> shelf.  In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. 
> Why are you doing this to me?
> 
> S. Berman
> 
> 
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> 
> Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your 
> room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
> call  extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. 
> 
> Thank you,
> Elaine Carmen,
> Housekeeper
> 
> 
> Dear Mr. Kensedder,
> 
> My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room 
> > including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had
> to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets. 
> 
> S. Berman
> 
> 
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> 
> I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. 
> I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids 
> are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. 
> The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my
> apologies for the inconvenience.
> 
> Martin L. Kensedder
> Assistant Manager
> 
> 
> Dear Mrs. Carmen,
> 
> Who left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and 
> found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay.  I 
> want my one bar of bath-size Dial.  Do you realize I have 54 bars of
> soap in here.  All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my 
> bath-size Dial.
> 
> S. Berman
> 
> 
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> 
> You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them moved.
> Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so 
> I personally returned them.  The 24 Camays which had been taken and
> the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything 
> about the 4 Cashmere  Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not
> know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 
> 3 daily Camays.  I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues 
> bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left 
> in your room.
> 
> Elaine Carmen
> Housekeeper
> 
> 
> Dear Mrs. Carmen,
> 
> Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. 
> As of today I possess:  On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay 
> in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.  On the Kleenex dispenser - 11
> Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.  On the bedroom dresser - 1 
> stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8
> Camay in 2 stacks of 4.  Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 
> stacks of 4 and 1stack of 2.  In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very 
> moist.  On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly 
> used.  - On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3. 
> 
> Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are 
> neatly piled and dusted.  Also, please advise her that stacks of more 
> than 4 have a tendency to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom window
> sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
> deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized 
> Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further 
> misunderstandings.
> 
> S. Berman
     
     
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