Miracle Process Reconstructs Dinosaurs (joke)

[MKIRKALDY <MKIRKALDY@aol.com>]

FIELD MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY - 4-1-98

Preparators working on the restoration of the _Tyrannosaurus
rex_ ?Sue? at the Field Museum have announced that the use of
?Preparation H? shrinks and repairs holes, fractures and missing
sections in fossil bone, offering valuable insights into what dinosaurs
actually looked like 65 million years ago.  ?Preparation H,? when
applied topically to the dinosaur fossil?s cranium to posterior each
morning and evening by the dedicated scientists at the Field, was
shown to dramatically close, heal and soothe wounds and minor
irritations and promote the healthy appearance of muscle
attachment sites.  Claws also benefited, growing in length and
reacquiring their keratin sheathes.

Drs. April Uno and Emma Roid, team leaders for the project,
said, ?It is astounding what ?Preparation H? has done for Sue.
We are thinking of bringing vats with us on digs and spraying it
onto the excavations.  Dinosaur bones would be visible as
rejuvenated and unshattered and would naturally slough off the
matrix within a matter of days.  No more having to jacket the
specimens, since ?Preparation H? will make them as strong and
healthy as the day before they died.?

Professor Heinz Holtz, one of the score of dinosaur experts at
the University of Maryland, disagreed with the value of the discovery,
stating, ?There's only so much we can learn from the skeleton.
A lot of the interesting aspects of zoology don't have much to
do with the bones.''

?Preparation H? should be used only under the direction of a
doctor of paleontology.  Those wishing to obtain more information
on the product should call 1-800-GOT-TCHA.

As reported by Mary
mkirkaldy@aol.com