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Re: Happy Birthday, Earth!! (;-)
Most churches wouldn't have me because I'm a firm believer in age as per
radiometrics/geological record and evolution, but, are you sure you want
to joke about the Bible? I'm also a believer in that ole saying: "There
is more in heaven and earth than is drempt of in your philosophy,
Horatio."
Stephen Faust smfaust@edisto.cofc.edu
On Fri, 24 Oct 1997, Derek Tearne wrote:
> At 08:55 -0400 23/10/97, Thomas R. Holtz, Jr. wrote:
> >Well, everybody, the BIG DAY is here. According to the cutting edge (for
> >1650) research of James Ussher, Anglican Archibishop of Armagh and Primate
> >of All Ireland, today is the 6000th birthday of the Earth.
>
> Taken from nz.general ... (I particularly like the 1400's...)
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
> Well today the earth is 6000 years old according to Bishop Usher.
> Unfortunately this was not good enough for Dr Lightfoot, and so in the
> seventeenth century, in his great work, Dr. John Lightfoot,
> Vice-Chancellor of the University of Cambridge, and one of the most
> eminent Hebrew scholars of his time, declared, as a result of his most
> profound and exhaustive study of the Scriptures, that "heaven and
> earth, centre and circumference, were created all together, in the
> same instant, and clouds full of water," and that "this work took
> place and man was created by the Trinity on October 23, 4004 B.C., at
> nine o'clock in the morning."
>
> For those of you who know a little about geology a beginning:
>
> 23 Oct. 4004 BC: Encounter with Nemesis knocks Lucifer out of Oort
> Cloud.
>
> 1 Nov. 4004 BC: Earth still largely molten; Adam and Eve cover their
> shame
> with Asbestos waders.
>
> 3714 BC: The first biotechnologist, Cain, invents cyanobacteria.
>
> 3554 BC: Komataiites inundate earliest crust, Noah's Ark incinerated
> providing earliest radiocarbon date for charcoal.
>
> 2724 BC: Archaean stratiform sulfide deposits form, ending the
> neolithic.
> Bronze introduced.
>
> 2444 BC: Tired of reading graphic granite, Inkhaten invents
> hieroglyphics.
>
> 2184 BC: Earliest sedimentation. Discovery of slate leads to stone
> tablets.
>
> 2094 BC: Nimrod the Hunter erects the Geosyncline of Babel.
>
> 2004 BC: Breathable atmosphere develops; first sermon preached.
>
> 1914 BC: Advent of diapirism; Lot's wife turned into first salt dome.
>
> 1804 BC: Tubal Cain inaugurates banded Iron Age. Sphinx starts to
> fossilize.
>
> 1794 BC: Children of Ham split from Israelites, insisting that the
> Burgess
> shale fauna are kosher. Chowder invented.
>
> 1704 BC: Samson attempts first Perovskite synthesis; Laboratory of the
> Philistines implodes.
>
> 1624 BC: Charshumash the Hittite bitten by first vertebrate, lawyers
> emerge from slime.
>
> 1444 BC: War of the Chaldean Succession, Pangaea broken up in
> accordance
> with the Treaty of Tartessos.
>
> 1334 BC: Shang Empire abandons efforts to invent compass when China
> drifts
> over south magnetic pole.
>
> 1264 BC: Moses invents hydrofracturing, opening of Red Sea rift drowns
> Egyptian army.
>
> 1194 BC: Odysseus runs aground on Gondwandan riviera.
>
> 1104 BC: Ezekiel see de Pterodactyl, 'way up in de middle of the air.
>
> 1024 BC: Goliath stepped on by irate Barosaurus; David takes credit.
>
> 794 BC: Jonah swallowed by Carcharas Megalodon.
>
> 454 BC: Marble deposits form in Greece, Parthenon erected.
>
> 338 BC: Aristotle publishes Air-Earth-Fire-Water phase diagram,
> concludes
> that quartz is a polymorph of water.
>
> 64 BC: Pliny the Elder writes eye-witness account of the Alpine
> orogeny.
>
> 48 BC: All of Gaul is divided into three parts when Corsica collides
> with
> the European plate.
>
> AD 24: Miracle of the Loaves and Ichthyosaurs.
>
> AD 494: Snakes evolve and are driven out of Ireland.
>
> AD 974: Lief the Unlucky lost with all hands when his dragon ship is
> mistaken by a rutting male Kronosaurus.
>
> AD 1066: William the Conqueror invades England by walking through
> northern
> France.
>
> AD 1215: Magna Carta eaten by Velociraptor.
>
> AD 1324: Gunpowder introduced, dinosaurs immediately hunted to
> extinction.
>
> AD 1384: Dante Aligheri describes core-mantle boundary.
>
> AD 1484: Leonardo da Vinci designs Archaeopteryx.
>
> AD 1492: Mesoamerica emerges just in time to be discovered by
> Columbus,
> the Santa Maria is attacked by Ammonites.
>
> AD 1522: Cortez uses asteroid impact to conquer Aztec Empire.
>
> AD 1588: Spanish Armada frustrated by continuing absence of English
> Channel.
>
> AD 1604: Flowering plants appear; Wars of the Roses recommence.
>
> AD 1636: Earliest primates appear, Harvard founded.
>
> AD 1664: A primate is elevated to Primate of Ireland; Archbishop
> Ussher
> successfully deduces last four out of nine digits of the age of the
> Earth.
>
> AD 1674: A gibbon, as the first simian graduate of Oxford, submits
> _Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire_ as D. Phil. thesis.
>
> AD 1688: A vengeful Spain finally invades England via London-Bruges
> canal;
> Inquisition burns Newton at the stake for Alchemy.
>
> AD 1776: Washington's Mastodon cavalry routs Hessians at Battle of the
> Hudson Canyon.
>
> AD 1834: Charles Darwin attacked by giant Rattite in Galapagos,
> returns
> home a convinced Neptunist.
>
> AD 1894: Awed by extent of glaciation, Cecil Rhodes proposes Capetown
> to
> Cairo bobsled run.
>
> AD 1914: Lesser Dryas sea level rise unleashes U-boats into the
> Atlantic,
> Holy Roman Empire wins World War One.
>
> AD 1948: Paul Nitze proposes using ice to contain Stalin, Cold War
> begins,
> ending First Interglacial.
>
> AD 1954: Second 56-day Interglacial allows Viet Minh to end era of
> European colonialism with siege of Dienbienphu.
>
> AD 1957: Glaciers return to Fulda gap as De Gaulle invades Russia.
> Says
> "Napoleon never experienced a real Russian winter."
>
> AD 1961: Rachel Carson links DDT to Glyptodont's decline.
>
> AD 1969: Last sighting of Sabre-tooth in Central Park, Elizabeth
> Taylor
> divorces Proconsul .
>
> AD 1971: Warhol paints Campbell Soup cans on walls of Lascaux caverns.
>
> AD 1983: Australopithicus wins The America's Cup.
>
> AD 1988: Homo Habilis evolves into Pat Robertson, who is talked out of
> naming Family Channel for ancestor.
>
> AD 1990: Last Neanderthals perish in siege of Kremlin.
>
> AD 1991: Saddam Hussein discovers fire, creating Holocene tar sands in
> Kuwait.
>
> AD 1995: Citing black smoker emissions, EPA bans continental drift.
> Thermophilis wins Nobel prize for sequencing its own DNA while trapped
> in
> amber.
>
> 25 Oct AD 1997: talk.origins becomes a moderated newsgroup, T. Holden
> appointed; St. John's Millennium begins.
>
> Cheers
> Brian Grant
>
> brian@grant.co.nz http://www.scuba.co.nz
> PGP 5.0 Key ID 0x007C940F PGP 2.6 Key ID 0x6BB27FF1
>
> ---
> Derek Tearne. --- @URL Internet Consultants --- http://url.co.nz
> Some of the more environmentally aware dinosaurs were worried about the
> consequences of an accident with the new Iridium enriched fusion reactor.
> "If it goes off only the cockroaches and mammals will survive..." they said.
>
>
>