prosecution laws

["Cunningham, Betty" <bcunning@nssi.com>]

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Sacramento, CA, Oct 3, 1995 (Disassociated Press) -- California 
today joined 6 other states in passing a "wealthy defendant 
evidence act" in the wake of this morning's verdict in
the Simpson(TM) trial.
     
The new law requires prosecutors to evaluate the wealth of very 
wealthy defendants, plus any potential income they might gain 
from book and movie deals, and compare it to the weight of 
evidence against the defendant.  If the defendant is really 
rich, the case must be very solid before the prosecution will 
seek and indictment.
     
"We just wasted millions prosecuting Simpson(TM), and cost the 
country untold amounts of lost productivity," according to 
attorney general Dan Lungren.  "Let's face it, the police always 
make little mistakes and have their foibles -- they're human.  A 
rich defendant can always afford the lawyers to exploit these 
mistakes and get off, so it just wastes valuable taxpayer money 
to prosecute them." he explained.
     
"For example, should Microsoft(R) Chairman Bill Gates (America's 
wealthiest man) commit a murder in California, we would want a 
videotape shot by the Pope of him slicing his victim's throat 
and a full confession.   Notorization by the President or doing 
the murder in front of the jury would also help.  For policemen 
beating a motorist, we don't need the Pope as cameraman, but the 
video must be in focus.   Poor black residents of Los Angeles, 
however, would be prosecuted if Mark Fuhrman doesn't like them
 -- it's a sliding scale."
     
State legislators estimated the bill would save millions, in 
spite of protests by the Court TV cable network and 
Time-Warner/Turner/CNN.  An alternate proposal, to simply bill 
the wealthy defendants their expected legal expenses in exchange 
for the dropping of charges was dropped as potentially 
unconstitutional.

(this is fake....right?)