Techno Humor (fwd)

[Robert.J.Meyerson@uwrf.edu (Rob Meyerson)]

>>======== Original Message ========
>> 30 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life:
>>         -- Joe Mullich, AmericanWay Magazine, 11/15/94.
>>
>> 1. Your  stationery is  more cluttered  than Warren  Beatty's address
>>book.  The letterhead  lists a  fax number,  e-mail addresses  for two
>>on-line services, and your Internet  address, which spreads across the
>>breadth of the  letterhead and continues to the back.  In essence, you
>>have  conceded that  the  first  page of  any  letter  you write  *is*
>>letterhead.
>>
>> 2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least
>>one device on your body beep or buzz.
>>
>> 3. You  need to  fill out a  form that must  be typewritten,  but you
>>can't  because  there isn't  one  typewriter  in  your house  --  only
>>computers with laser printers.
>>
>> 4. You  think of  the gadgets  in your office  as "friends,"  but you
>>forget to send your father a birthday card.
>>
>> 5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.
>>
>> 6. When you go into a  computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson
>>talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend the
>>next  twenty minutes  answering  the customers'  questions, while  the
>>salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
>>
>> 7. You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without
>>thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.
>>
>> 8. You constantly  find yourself in groups of people  to whom you say
>>the phrase "digital compression."  Everyone understands what you mean,
>>and  you are  not surprised  or disappointed  that you  don't have  to
>>explain it.
>>
>> 9. You know Bill Gates' e-mail address,  but you have to look up your
>>own social security number.
>>
>> 10.  You  stop saying  "phone  number"  and  replace it  with  "voice
>>number," since  we all know the  majority of phone lines  in any house
>>are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
>>
>> 11. You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.
>>
>> 12. Off  the top of  your head, you  can think of  nineteen keystroke
>>symbols that are far more clever than :-).
>>
>> 13. You back up your data every day.
>>
>> 14. Your wife asks you to pick  up some minipads for her at the store
>>and you return with a rest for your mouse.
>>
>> 15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
>>
>> 16. On  vacation, you are reading  a computer manual and  turning the
>>pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
>>
>> 17. The  thought that  a CD  could refer to  finance or  music rarely
>>enters your mind.
>>
>> 18.  You are  able  to  argue persuasively  the  Ross Perot's  phrase
>>"electronic town  hall" makes  more sense  than the  term "information
>>superhighway," but  you don't because,  after all, the man  still uses
>>hand-drawn pie charts.
>>
>> 19. You  go to  computer trade  shows and  map out  your path  of the
>>exhibit hall  in advance.  But you cannot  give someone  directions to
>>your house without looking up the street names.
>>
>> 20. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
>>
>> 21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you
>>something, but you  think it's okay for a computer  to call and demand
>>that  you start  pushing buttons  on  your telephone  to receive  more
>>information about the product it is selling.
>>
>> 22.  You  know  without  a  doubt  that  disks  come  in  five-and-a-
>>quarter-and three-and-a-half-inch sizes.
>>
>> 23. Al Gore strikes you as an "intriguing" fellow.
>>
>> 24. You own  a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and  you actually know
>>where they are.
>>
>> 25.  While  contemporaries swap  stories  about  their recent  hernia
>>surgeries,  you  compare  mouse-induced  index-finger  strain  with  a
>>nine-year-old.
>>
>> 26. You  are so knowledgeable  about technology that you  feel secure
>>enough  to say  "I  don't know"  when someone  asks  you a  technology
>>question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
>>
>> 27.  You  rotate  your  screen   savers  more  frequently  than  your
>>automobile tires.
>>
>> 28. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you
>>own turns bread into charcoal.
>>
>> 29. You  have ended  friendships because of  irreconcilably different
>>opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track *pad*.
>>
>> 30. You understand  all the jokes in this message.  If so, my friend,
>>technology has  taken over your life.  We suggest, for your  own good,
>>that  you go  lie under  a tree  and write  a haiku.  And don't  use a
>>laptop.
>>
>> 31. You email this message to  your friends over the net. You'd never
>>get around to  showing it to them  in person or reading it  to them on
>>the phone.
>>======== Fwd by: Rob Meyerson ========

This is from my cousin in S. Carolina -- who said rebs have no sense of
humor.  #30 really scared me!  Likewise #31.