Dumb Animals ?

["Terry Colvin" <colvint@CC.IMS.DISA.MIL>]

Let me start by saying that I don't believe in anthropomorphising animals 
(except when there's a funny point to be made), and that I feel quite 
strongly that animals are very well suited for what they do. Disclaimer 
aside, let's talk about Kakapos. All my information comes from detailed 
reading of that classic zoological literature "Last Chance to See" by the 
esteemed zoologist Douglas Adams and well-known Science fiction author 
Mark Carwardine (sp?), as well as a short time at the University of 
Otago, Dunedin, NZ. Kakapos are large flightless ground parrots which 
have not survived the introduction of just about every destructive mammal 
in creation into New Zealand - there's about 30 or 40 left. This is 
mostly because of the animals inability to cope with the presence of 
small viscious mammals like rats, cats and humans, but I also believe the 
bird itself has to take some of he blame. The Kakapo male spends quite a 
long time constructing a nest and trail leading up to it. Then he calls 
to the female. His call is an almost subsonic booming, which carries for 
miles and supposedly is more felt than heard. Problem is, the thing about 
subsonics is that whilst they are transmitted over a long range, it is 
not easy to locate where the sound. Therefore the female can hear him, 
but she'll be buggered if she can find him. Supposedly the birds have 
birdness hardwired into them as well, and they can't quite get over the 
fact that they can't perch and they certainly can't fly. So once you 
startle one the first thing it does is run up a tree and fall out. Of 
course, being a parrot, they are capable of making the most offensive 
noises. I've had the rare pleasure of hearing a tape recording of an 
encounter with one down at one of the sanctuaries. To get the maximum 
effect, stand up, make sure the room is empty and scream

SKRAAAAAAAAAARCK ! SKRAAAAAAAAARCK ! SKRAAAAAAAAARCK ! SKRAAAAAAAAAAARCK !

Now imagine something twice as loud and offensive.

Don't get me wrong - I love kakapos. I have a poster of one on my wall, 
next to the Lair of the White Worm poster. I just think that they're 
perfect examples of Gould's proof of evolution by inefficiency, rather 
than perfection.

Apologies to any Kiwis out there (I know there's some of you). I love 
your country and your wildlife, and anyone whose state symbol is an 
arboreal wombat that spends its days stoned on gumleaves can't really 
talk about dopey animals

peter